Anyways! So, here's the thing- I didn't grow up with sisters. I have two brothers (whom I love dearly) that made it easier to be more of a tom-boy growing up. I actually used to get in trouble for wrestling with the boys in the church yard... buuuuut that's another story! I think its because of the fact that I only have brothers, that having girl roommates means so much to me. Cause honestly, they're the closest thing to sisters I've probably ever had. We have our fights. We definitely don't always get along. But at the end of the day, I know they have my back, and hopefully they know that I have theirs. Which is why this post is dedicated to both of them. It's about the formula every woman knows all too well...
Ice-cream + Kleenexes + a Bottle of Wine = Fixing the Problem
If you want to have the best relationship with your roommates as possible, its good to know how to handle the tough days. Believe me, whether you're in college, post-grad, or just moving to a big city to start a new job, there will be moments where you are punched in the gut (metaphorically speaking of course). My girls have been amazing at this. They know when I've had a hard day. And when I'm not willing to just sit down and word vomit right away, they usually coax it out of me. Just last week one of them said to me, "Dorea. You came home, didn't say a word, you're moping, and you just started furiously cleaning your bedroom. What's wrong?"
Everyone deals with frustration differently. But I have found there to be three practical stages to processing with your roomies:
Step 1: Acknowledge the Problem (Ice-Cream)
When you notice your roommate is really upset, grab a tub of Ben & Jerry's half baked ice-cream and settle into a comfy position on the couch to talk. Sometimes people don't really feel like talking when they're angry or hurt. But if you can get them to open up about what's bothering them, it'll help them work through the issue and it gives you the insight to help as best as possible. Sometimes people just need to know you're willing to listen. Even if it is a twenty minute rant (hence the snack)!
Step 2. Let it Out (Kleenexes)
Occasionally, the tears will just appear out of nowhere- and that's kind of terrifying. But usually it takes girls time to figure out what's really bothering them. So they'll talk for fifteen minutes about things that don't really make sense. They may seem kind of sporadic and irrational. But then they'll point out one very specific thing, and more often than not, its pretty simple. Then they'll start to cry, and its best just to have the kleenex box on hand. It saves you the awkward scramble of trying to find something for them to wipe their nose on. Seriously. I carry a travel pack at all times.
Step 3. Move On (Wine)
After they have ranted, raved, cried, and possibly broken something small, you need to help your roommate put their frustration to rest. It's great to process things that upset us! It's bad to refuse to let go of those frustrations. Temporarily dwelling on problems is healthy. Refusing to walk away from them? Not so much. Crack open that 2002 bottle of Chardonnay, pour a glass, and put on a movie. Relaxing and doing something fun reminds her that she has plenty of things to take joy in. It's a great way to bring perspective, without making her feel like you're pushing her to "just get over it".
Of course we all have our dramatic Rachel Green moments. It's really ok. Let your roommates feel what they need to. Just help them to address their emotions, work through them, and then resolve them. So when you go to the store Saturday, you should have three items on your shopping list...
Right? Right.
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